hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Randomize
