found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize