i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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