i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
