I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I am one with the molecules
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
