i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
