i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
