I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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