I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
