There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
