I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just want nice things and good sex
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
