Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
