I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize