I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
