You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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