so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
