Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
