And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
