I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
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So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
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I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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