Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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