No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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