were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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