mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
