There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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