I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just found puke in my bra..
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
