ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
