New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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