I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
