Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
