$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
This is the high leading the old right now
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
