girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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