1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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