under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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