I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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