I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she told me i tasted like america
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
