we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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