I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
