I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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