is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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