Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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