Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I didn't notice because vodka
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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