All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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