I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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