you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
