3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
