If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He? As in you personified your dick?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
