thus making me awesome and them whores
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
