I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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