420 ftw
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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