i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
