So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
