if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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