That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
