Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
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