I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
