I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
