Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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