I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The streets are paved with hand jobs
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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