Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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