She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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