i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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