if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
