have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
