i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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